Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Out of Body Experience
"This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast System. This is not a test, we now interrupt our regular programming to bring you this message..."


Yes, its a tuesday, the very fact you are reading this means i'm either too free at work, or simply, not at work. Its the latter. Don't worry, i'm not fired, have not tendered, and i'm not sick.
But i am sick to my stomach...just wanna say "f- it all". Everything is prob ding-dong jolly awesome before 8 this morning...now i'm just spent and tired.

I'm sure some of you will have heard this audio attachment which everyone forwards to all their pals...the audio that explains the origins of the word "Fuck". Done in a BBC-style, with a voice-over in baritone Barry White smoothness, it proceeds to let all know the versatility and use of this amazing word known the world over.

Here it is, ad verbatim:

FUCK

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word "fuck". Out of all the english words that begin with the letter "F", fuck is the only word thats referred to as the "F-Word". It's the one magical word, which just by it's sound, can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.

"Fuck", like many English words, is derived from the German word "flicken" which means "to strike". In english, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

As a transitive verb for instance:
"John fucked Shirley."

As an intransitive verb:
"Shirley fucks."

However, it's meaning is not always sexual. It can be used as an adjective, such as:
"John's doing all the fucking work."

As part of an adverb:
"Shirley talks too fucking much."

As an adverb enhancing an adjective:
"Shirley is fucking beautiful."

As a noun:
"I don't give a fuck."

As part of another word:
"Absofuckinlutely." or "Infuckincredible."

And as almost every word in the sentence:
"Fuck the fucking fuckers."

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of "fuck". As in these examples describing situations:

Such as fraud:
"I got fucked at the used car lot."

Dismay:
"Awww fuck it."

Trouble:
"I guess I'm really fucked now."

Aggression:
"Don't fuck with me, buddy!"

Difficulty:
"I don't understand this fucking question."

Inquiry:
"Who the fuck was that?"

Dissatisfaction:
"I don't like what the fuck is going on here."

Incompetence:
"He's a fuck up."

Dismissal:
"Why don't you go outside and play 'Hide and Go Fuck Yourself'?"

I'm sure you can think of many more examples for this fine word. With all of these multipurpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? I say use this flexible word more often in your daily speach. It will identify the quality of your character immediately! Say it Loudly and proudly:

FUCK YOU!!

end quote

Just having a really bad day, hope to return to "regular programming" real soon.
Allow me to thrash my room, throw a tantrum, kick a dog, whatever...
Until the next transmission, take care.

2 comments:

we all hate you said...

flicken doesn't mean to strike in german, but to fix up a whole in bycicle tire for example,

ha just being a spelling nazi as well.

jeeze.

I thought fuck meant for unlawful carnal knowledge anyway?

xymon said...

well, i didn't write the dialog/info in case u haven't noticed. i double checked on the translation and u were right, so thanks anyway.
the whole thing would've been more meaningful had u heard the audio previously...but its cool